Monty's Gaming and Wireless Outlook - Issue 173

“Aelred is training to be a magistrate. Ailish, still part-time at the special-needs school, is dearly loved by the teenagers. Crispin does extramural police work in London; Cordelia (Hons degree, Warwick) has also switched tracks and is training to teach ballet, Araminta continues with top grades in classics at London Uni. Millie continues to hold down demanding jobs in the office and with the family. Tom is following music interests - greatly enjoying his drum kit. Hope the neighbours appreciate his style!” - Anonymous

Ah, the round-robin Christmas letter, that appalling media of mummies and daddies as they chuck another boast over the leylandii. As the above example shows (forwarded by a friend of a friend of a friend), it is nice to know some people can still afford to raise seven children, but poor old Millie, how does she cope with all those high-achieving siblings?

In that vein, it was also refreshing to know that another friend’s daughter, according to her West London nursery, ‘is well respected and where others follow, she leads'. SHE'S. ONLY. FIVE. YEARS. OLD. What next? A sinecure in Parliament as Leader of the Opposition while studying part-time as an Oppidan at Eton?

Maybe, instead trying to beat these worthy people, it’s better to join them and add the mobile entertainment world to the increasing roster of round-robins. So here’s my take for 2005:

“Our oldest child, mobile music, made great strides last year. Ah, ‘twas a Polyphonic Spree. Beginning as a veteran who was taken for granted, she crossed over to new platforms and took all her talent to unknown frontiers. In tune with the age, she went from MP3 to iPod to Razr to Sat-Nav and Bluetoothed her way to the top. We have the highest of hopes for 2006 when her happy-go-lucky attitude should be rewarded when every piece of new music is pre-released on memory card.

“Mobile games, our errant child, became less fragmented and better-behaved in 2005, and was adopted by traditional games companies who spent millions on acquisitions, staffing levels and market share. These companies, finally realising that mobile games were the perfect marketing tools for their infinitely more expensive console products, are likely to invest more fortunes and make the market a lovely place for those who’ve been in it for a while (here’s hoping).

“Finally, the runt of our family, mobile TV, stepped out of his siblings’ shadows and had a wonderful year. Unknown to the masses in January, he was cuddled by all the operators and made them realise that handsets were there for a reason. Yes, easy navigation via numbers, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9, just like the earliest TV days when there were only terrestrial channels and the remote control was in single figures. We predict he will change the world as we know it.”

Yes, an interesting year when the mobile phone became everybody’s dearest friend and a time to realise this newsletter reports on the mobile industry and is only occasionally read on a mobile device. Doh! So, like drummer Tom, mentioned at the beginning of this editorial, we do hope the neighbours appreciate his style when he gets all wireless in 2006.

But not before a well-deserved break next week when it forgets mobile b*ll*cks and welcomes a Christmas that belongs to family, Boxing Day football and my 2.5-year-old boy to whom I dedicate this newsletter because he ain't nuffink other than a little boy who melts my heart. How's that for a proper round-robin?