Monty's Gaming and Wireless Outlook - Issue 168

Enough already, Bob Geldof. This week the grumpy old cuckold told delegates at a London conference that they should not ‘do email’. Warming to his theme, Geldof then went on to blame emails for keeping people so busy they stopped genuine action.

Well, excuse me, Saint Bob, but Europe must have had its head in a billion emails when you set up Sail 8. This ridiculous scheme promised to recreate Dunkirk and urged people to sail across the channel to be part of the Live 8 events. Naturally, only about eight people turned up and like a boxer who misses the limelight, Geldof just couldn't help himself. This latest outburst is no better.

Email is brilliant. It has brought back the art and craft of letter-writing and enabled the global village to communicate quicker and more effectively than ever before. It is more beautiful and in-depth than sending text messages or postcards and has a style of its own (who hasn't ended an email with a smiley sign to curtail any further communication?). What, you mean you don't do that? Whoops, I'm sad. ;0).

I bet Geldof doesn't like text messages either, but it's a form of abridged communication that can't be ignored. This week's news that some of the greatest works of English literature are to compressed into SMS for a college scheme will doubtlessly have Geldof pulling out his grey tresses.

While changing Hamlet's famous phrase from 'To be or not to be?' to '2b? Ntb? = ???' isn't exactly what the Bard had in mind, who's to say this language isn't another form of writing that should be vilified? In fact, it could have some positive benefits when it comes to the syntax of public figures such as Geldof.

Changing Saint Bob's words when he spoke of Sail 8 from: 'It will take many hours and we will be picking up some people who we may not even be able to communicate with, but the symbolism of that around the world will be one of great effort, great friendship and great solidarity' to 'Shtupu Sail8 tw*t' would do us all a favour.