Monty's Gaming and Wireless Outlook - Issue 169

“The mother of the nation has gone; she has hobbled off to her uncertain fate, having only a tycoon's salary given to her to fund the purchase of that monkey-shit-brown hair rinse we know so well.” – Mario Vargas Yoni by The Fatima Mansions

Yep, forget love songs, sometimes there’s nothing better than a hate song and the Fatima Mansions’ above description of Margaret Thatcher when she was forced to leave politics is a masterpiece of the genre.

For those of us of a certain persuasion, the Thatcher years were not the best time the UK ever had, so this week’s events on UK reality TV show I’m A Celebrity – Get Me Out of Here! were very satisfying indeed.

For those non-UK readers unfamiliar with the show, 10 Don’t-Know-Their-Names-But-Seen-Them-In-Something celebrities are dumped on a film set in the Australian jungle for two weeks and do disgusting tasks, bicker, get hungry, lose it, and consequently get roles in parochial pantomimes in off-season seaside resorts.

This year, one of these celebrities is one Carol Thatcher, daughter of Margaret, who this week twice rolled out of her hammock, dropped her drawers and ‘did her bits’ by the side of her bed in view of almost ten million viewers. Not a good look and to be honest, not the best arse either.

So now we know. Her mother invaded the Falkland Islands, waged war on the unions and sold off the nation’s assets because she was freaked out by potty-training and didn’t complete the job! Not much of an Iron Lady there, more like a Weak Mother.

Which just shows how the mighty can fall and similarly the world’s biggest sporting brand, aka Manchester United, may be on the verge of joining Margaret Thatcher as a bit of a joke. This week, Vodafone announced they were pulling out of a four-year deal as sponsors of the club’s shirt.

Previously, Vodafone has been very proactive in protecting its sport sponsorships. England’s cricketers were warned by Vodafone they would pull out of their shirt deal if results didn’t improve (Thank God they did) and the company also intervened in a jockey’s strike when it looked as if the Vodafone Derby would be affected.

But this time there was no warning and Vodafone's decision may mark the beginning of decline for the club. But who’s to say they won’t buy a reasonably good Chinese player and do a mega deal with a Chinese telco shortly afterwards? Or maybe Man United really have taken their eye off the ball (sorry) just as the Thatcher family have.

It was 1991 when Carol failed to pay the poll tax that was introduced to massive protest by her mother. At the time she told journalists: "Mum won't give a shit." That might have been true then, but I bet she gives a big shit now. Poll tax is one thing, but peeing live on TV? What next? Manchester United being knocked out of the (shortly to be sponsored by Vodafone) Champions League group stages?