Monty's Gaming and Wireless Outlook - Issue 200

The story of the week has to be that of 60-year-old Linda Walker who woke up after a stroke and began talking in a Jamaican accent, not the Geordie accent she had practised for the previous six decades.

Linda is a victim of 'Foreign Accent Syndrome' which (rather unimaginatively) sums the condition up. Poor woman. One minute she's in the fish-and-chip shop asking for a chocolate bar covered in batter, the next she's asking in pure-patois for rice 'n peas, some ackee and ting and ting. I-ree!

Imagine if it happened to your mobile. You're in a meeting in a bar with a client. You've got your best bespoke jacket on, brushed Churchill shoes, wearing a Gresham Blake shirt and sporting a Mont Blanc pen as if it's a weapon. Everything is going swimmingly and then...

...You think your ringtone is a personally chosen piece of cool, but then it rings in the meeting and it's that horrible 1G Nokia whine from 1997. The shame, the shame. It's almost as embarrassing as trying to get your mobile out of your pocket and.... arrrggghhhh... a handheld gaming device falling out.

But it could be worse. You might have gone into that meeting as a mobile publisher and then started speaking... like an operator. But probably best not to go there, we'll be here all day and likely to get charged premium data rates for it as well.

On a serious note, it's time to get rid of those jolly World Cup ringtones. Erase The Great Escape, Vindaloo and It's Coming Home. It's not coming home, it's going to Italy or France and is unlikely to ever come home again. Furthermore, it's best not to be reminded of the pain every time some half-wit's mobile goes off.

Finally, if you're bored and fancy a couple of days in Brighton, the Develop game conference is taking place next week. As a denizen of the city, this is a good trend. More conferences in Brighton please. It's more of a laugh and everybody speaks in the same accent. And apparently I'm chairing a session on mobile games. Off-portal or something. I don't know the first thing about it. Is it Jamaican?