Monty's Gaming and Wireless Outlook - Issue 153

What's in a name? The upper class are called Toffs because of their inbred up-ended noses and the so-called lower classes are called Chavs because of a website, so it's about time the pretentious middle classes were labelled collectively.

I suggest they/we should all be called 'Meringues'. The word itself is an onomatopoeia and not only does this flaky dessert crumble at the slightest touch, it's also generally less tasty than it thinks it is and seldom rises to the occasion... I rest my case.

Over in the art world where the most awful Meringues exist, there is a new movement going on called Stuckism. Formed in 1999, the name was coined when Billy Childish (Now how Meringue is that name?) was told by ex-girlfriend Tracey Emin that his art was 'Stuck, stuck, stuck!'.

Cue a movement that espouses 'pro-contemporary figurative painting with ideas and anti-conceptual art, mainly because of its lack of concepts'. Some of these crazee rebels have even demonstrated as clowns against the Turner Prize! Now how Meringue is that?

Ah, Tracey Emin, the one-woman reality TV show whose lips look as if they've been stuck, stuck, stuck together whenever she opens her mouth.

She shall be Queen Meringue and she will fall in love with King Meringue, who else but the wannabe Poet Laureate Russell Crowe. They will be a credit to their class and will make movies in tents and beds about throwing telephones at non-Meringues.

What does this have to do with wireless and games? Not much, but at a conference last week I did overhear one senior mobile executive say to a potential content provider: "Someone once said to me 'content is king' and I said 'distribution is King Kong'." Mmmm, now how Meringue is that?

Not everybody is perfect, though. I once told a work colleague I was going to St Petersberg for the weekend 'to sit by the banks of the River Neva drinking vodka and reading Doestoevsky'. "Oh, shut up Monty, you f**king tosser," she replied. Now how right was that?